Latest funny Valentine's Day facebook Status Updates

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Latest ♥ Valentine's Day ♥ facebook Status Updates

Romeo...

1. says, Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, It's Valentines Day, And I have a hangnail.

2. says nothing is more romantic than letting you know that I love you... via this Facebook Status update.

3. says don't worry... it's not contagious.

4. says, "you make me feel dead inside"... Happy Valentines Day

5. says on this Valentines days... Please don't make me choose between you and porn.

6. already killed some helpless flowers for you... what else do you want?

7. loves Valentines day, where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.

8. wants to remind you that nothing says "I love you" more than somebody else's words mass produced on re-cycled paper.

9. says there is someone for everyone but wasn't really thinking about you.

10. says let's make February 15th OUR valentines day.

New George W. Bush inspired facebook status Updates

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George W. Bush inspired facebook status messages

George W is...

1. on a mission because for every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings and, folks, this is unacceptable in America!

2. reminding you, teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test

3. sure that they misunderestimated me!

4. positive that the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.

5. believing in what I believe — I believe what I believe is right.

6. not wanting to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I'm not as quick on my feet as I
should be in coming up with one.

7. just wanting you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace.

8. letting you know, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again!

9. aware that our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new
ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

10. agonizing that too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.

11. adamant that if we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure!

Latest "Excuses" funny facebook Status Update

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Excuses funny facebook Status Update

Jane...

1. really wishes she could but, I swallowed my gold crown this morning, and I have to wait here until it comes out the other end.

2. really wishes she could but, I want to spend more time with my blender.

3. really wishes she could but, I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.

4. really wishes she could but, I have to floss my cat.

5. really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.

6. really wishes she could but, I have to stay home and wash my tongue.

7. really wishes she could but, I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.

8. really wishes she could but, I'm getting my overalls overhauled.

9. really wishes she could but, My patent is pending.

10. really wishes she could but, I'm worried about my vertical hold.

11. really wishes she could but, I have to fulfill my potential.

12. really wishes she could but, I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.

13. really wishes she could but, I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.

14. really wishes she could but, I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.

15. really wishes she could but, I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.

16. really wishes she could but, I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.

17. really wishes she could but, I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.

18. really wishes she could but, My yucca plant is feeling yucky.

19. really wishes she could but, I just picked up a book called Glue in Many Lands and I can't put it down.

20. really wishes she could but, I promised to help a friend fold road maps.

Latest Work, Employment inspired Facebook Status Updates

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Work inspired Facebook Status Updates

NAME...

1. thinks ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

2. thought he wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a pay-cheque

3. is just working here until a good fast food job opens up....

4. sees Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

5. pretends to work. They pretend to pay me.

6. understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.

7. thinks work is for people who don't know how to fish!

8. just wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

9. is thinking that this isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

10. 's co-workers think he's a hard worker because they hear all this typing on Facebook!

Education, Research, Thesis inspired Facebook Status Updates

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Education inspired Funny facebook Status Updates

David is...

1. doing scientific research on "Gravity: The Devil's Tool"

2. presenting his thesis on "E=MC3: That's Right, Einstein, I Said Cubed!"

3. being interviewed on his new novel "Sweet and Sour Pork: How Can It Be Both? At The Same Time?"

4. Gathering research for his essay, "Lincoln: The Man, The President, The Town Car"

5. Wondering if his new research grant will accept his thesis, "Whoops!: I Blew My $800,000 Research Grant At The MGM Grand Casino"

6. Pondering the scientific evidence to support the claim "Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: So Cheesy, It Should Be Called 'Kraft Cheese & Macaroni'"

7. reviewing extensive analysis on the topic "There Sure Are A Lot of 'Smiths' In The Phone Book, Dude"

8. writing his final paper called "The Isotope Conjecture: A Fake Title So My Wife Won't Look Inside Here and See My Letters To Penthouse Forum"

9. a bit disappointed he didn't win the Nobel Prize as evidenced by his book "Why The People Who Award The Nobel Prize Are A Bunch Of Jerks"